Parenting the Spirited Traveler

A while ago I had a conversation with one of my friends. She was impressed with all of the travel that we do with our boys, but indicated that they were several years away from family travel because her kids weren't "mature enough."

Jonathan and I have used this phrase often when figuring out where and at what point we would like to take our boys to a particular place. It would be a nightmare to take the boys on a trip where we eat in restaurants every night when they weren't "restaurant-ready", or on trip with lots of hiking when they are still at the "carry me" age.  And from the toddler years onward we've tried to make choices that are age appropriate. Our choices are getting broader as the boys both enter the school age years.

One of our biggest challenges is that our four year old Caleb is, to put it in nice terms, a spirited child.  Mary Sheedy Kurcinka describes a spirited child as "a normal child who is more. They are more intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent, energetic." My little Caleb is all these things... and more!

When traveling with Caleb we have to consider that he doesn't like to transition. On a daily basis, he doesn't like waking up in the morning, going to bed at night, or settling down for nap time at school. When he is doing something he is interested in, he just doesn't want to stop ...  

Apply this to travel, and it can be quite difficult. He could take hours to walk through a exhibit that my oldest rushes through in five minutes. If you rush him he'll throw a fit. This is a problem if you have a jam packed itinerary -- which I would never recommend if you have a spirited child like Caleb. 

So, here is how we handle our spirited little boy: 

1. We take the advice from the experts and create a hub -- a location that we return to every night. Sometimes if we are staying in multiple locations, we do this by co-sleeping with the kids. This reinforces safety and home, even in an unfamiliar place.
2. We keep the itinerary simple, and prepare to split up. At Legoland, Caleb loved Miniland (the area where full cities were replicated). He could and did spend hours there. One adult took Xander to all the places he wanted to see, and the other adult enjoyed the details (smelled the Lego roses) in Miniland.
3. We always communicate the plan well in advance, and just don't leave a location suddenly. I've written about story of tomorrow. We also give five minute warnings ... counting down until it is time to leave.
4. We incorporate the boys into the planning process. We give him options and let him have a vote on what we do.
5. We avoid the overly tired. Caleb is more on edge when he is tired. Travel should be about relaxation and exploration ... so we need to make sure that he is getting enough sleep, and if he is tired that is not the day to go to a crowded place... maybe it is a better day for a hike, a trip to the park or a picnic on the beach. 
6. Schedule in nature and unstructured time. This is the time that Caleb can let his hair down and be a boy, without an adult telling him that he is too loud, or there is no running allowed, or any other rules that come into place based on a travel situation.
7. We are flexible and are willing to follow through with a punishment (which could mean leaving a location early). 
8. We set Caleb up for success. We look at things like restaurants, the same way we view skills like swimming. You don't throw your child into the deep end and see if they can swim. We practice our restaurant etiquette on a daily basis, and use restaurants as a reward. Both the boys now love going to restaurants. 
9. We pack things to do during travel time. Like on airplanes, buses, trains and car trips. 
10. And, if all else fails, we prepare for full meltdown. Caleb can we quite dramatic when things aren't going his way.  Sometimes it can escalate into a temper tantrum, and we manage it the way we manage normal temper tantrums with a change of venue, by staying calm, not doling out punishments during the temper tantrum, giving him an opportunity to save face ... and once he calms down we make a new plan.

Traveling with Caleb can be a joy. He often reminds us why we love to travel. He jumps in with both feet, and helps us slow down and take in all that a location has to offer.